Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

After all my talk of responsibility, honesty, and integrity last week - the weekend came and I still over ate and had some wine. I started to beat myself up last night, then I realized that the best thing for me to do was to give myself a clean slate and start anew today. How many times have I done that in the past though? When will I change my bad habit forever? I realize that I can't keep doing the same thing week after week after week, and expect different results. Something has to change. Something needs to change. I was reminded of this poem that I have seen many times, but now I get it. I am in chapter three - and have been for quite sometime. My next step is to go around the habit and then walk down a different street. And, then the next step is to change my not so great habit into a great positive habit by walking down another street and creating new habits. What chapter are you in?


Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit. But my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.
 

Thanks to American actress and author Portia Nelson for the poem.

Responsibility. Honesty. Integrity.

I have always considered myself a  responsible adult.  I pay my bills. I pay my taxes. I obey traffic laws (most of the time :)). I teach when I am scheduled to teach. I complete real estate transactions ethically and properly.  I show up to appointments on time.  I'm responsible, right? Or am I?

Responsibility: A duty or obligation to satisfactorily perform or complete a task (assigned by someone, or created by one's own promise or circumstances) that one must fulfill, and which has a consequent penalty for failure.

According to this definition I am not always acting responsibly when I do not fulfill my promises to myself by not exercising or eating too much or the wrong foods. This doesn't mean that you are irresponsible if you eat the wrong thing, but it does (in my interpretation) mean that one is not acting responsibly and taking responsibility when one eats something or does not do something that they said they would do. I guess I need to work on this. Oh my!

I have also considered myself to be a pretty honest person. I tell the truth - most of the time. Ah ha! Most of the time. And, that is just to others. I may have said that I didn't feel well because I didn't want to meet someone for lunch or go to work out. I may have said that I ate well all week, except one meal, but it didn't show up on the scale. So, was I being honest with myself? With others? Oh boy! This really got me thinking. So, I also looked up the definition of honesty.

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft.  Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.

Oh dear! Am I not an honest person? I know I would never steal or purposefully hurt anyone. But, would I tell I white lie? Am I straightforward? Do I have integrity? I do most of the time. But, do I have it to myself? Then I looked up the word Integrity.

Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy,^[1] in that integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs.

The word "integrity" stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete).^[2] In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.

In looking at these definitions  -  am I able to answer for my conduct and obligations. Do I act according to my beliefs? I think I do a good job on answering for my obligations, and my conduct in most instances. But, am I acting responsibly to myself when I don't go to my workout?  I know I should workout, but why don't I sometimes? No integrity to myself? Am I acting responsibly when I blame someone else for my eating pizza and drinking wine on Friday nights? The other day I realized that although I am responsible and honest in many ways - I am also very irresponsible and not honest in other ways, and often lack integrity.

This realization affected me profoundly. All of the sudden I feel like I am a fraud. I'm not consistent in my beliefs. I make up stories to cover for my lack of integrity to myself. I make up lies around weight release. Some mental changes need to be made. I don't know about you, but I can sure see that my lack of taking responsibility for my actions, not being honest with myself and not living in integrity and being consistent in my beliefs is definitely hindering me in reaching my goals. Hmmmmm....this is a lot to ponder.

How about you? Are you responsible? Are you honest with yourself? Are you living in integrity?

I will definitely be doing some soul searching and re-direction of my patterns in order to get myself back into a state of personal integrity.

How about you?

This quote says it all -"Integrity is doing the right thing - even when no one else is watching."

From now on I am thinking that I should act like the world is watching me ALWAYS!

You Only Live Once - Live Big

I have been pondering life a lot lately. I do this every so often - actually quite a bit recently!  And, this came to mind after I heard someone on TV say "YOLO" - then I figured out that it meant "You Only Live Once." I did some research on the internet and found that this is one of the latest excuses used by teenagers when they do something stupid. This is according to Urban Dictionary, which describes the term as:

"The dumbass's excuse for something stupid that they did
Also one of the most annoying abbreviations ever....

Guy 1: "Hey I heard u got that girl pregnant"
Dumbass 1: " Ya man but hey YOLO"
Guy 1: "Hey I heard that you broke ur leg falling off the balcony at that party"
Dumbass 1: "Ya but hey YOLO"

 

This is disappointing to me because it puts a negative connotation on what could be a great way to live - not by doing stupid things and then saying YOLO, but by following your dreams and doing what your heart desires.

 

Lately I have been feeling stuck and I am not sure why. I keep thinking about things that I want to do, goals that I want to accomplish, but not taking the steps to do the things that I want to do.  I have a vision book that I did in 2008. I can't believe its been five years since I did that book -  its time to do another one. While writing this I decided to take a look at my book and see if I have accomplished any of my 101 goals (A strategy in the book The Power of Focus.) And, imagine that I did manage to accomplish quite a few of the things in my vision book!

1. I got my personal training certification.
2. I exercise 4-5 times a week on average most of the time.
3. I meditate regularly now.
4. I ran a 10K - actually it was the Mud Run at Camp Pendelton.
5. I learned to ballroom dance.
6. I developed my spirituality - read a lot of books and attended a lot of seminars. This is still a work in progress.
7. I have a big garden with a lot of vegetables and fruit trees. And, I love it!
8. I took a writing class.
9. I went to Turkey.
10. I went to Greece.
11. I swam with dolphins.
12. I went to Niagra Falls.
13. I went to the Ellen Show.
14. I tried out for a game show. On my list it said I would be on a game show. I almost made this one.
15. I flew first class.
16. I got my holistic health coaching certification. On my list I said I would be a counselor - in a way I am to my clients.
17. I will be teaching at a four year university starting in October. On my list I said that I would teach at a four year university.

And, many more of my goals are in the works. Interesting! I just noticed that for some reason I put a big picture of a turtle in my book and never wrote anything about it, and guess what  - last summer in Maui I swam right next to one! Hmmmmm......

 

Hey, I think this following your dreams stuff might just work. The funny thing about many of the things that I accomplished that were on my vision board is that they just happened - I was in New York for my step-daughter Stacy's graduation and then the next thing you know we are at Niagra Falls.  My husband gave me dancing lessons for my birthday present one year. My friend Julie helped make two of these come true when she called and invited me to go to the Ellen Show and to try out for the game show with her team.

 

I am going to work on my vision board and  my positive YOLO's for the next five years. I'm thinking this might just help be feel less "stuck"!  What are your positive YOLO's?

 

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott

"Carpe Diem! Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary."   --Dead Poet's Society